[Untitled] (1983x2007 Resolution)

Okay. I’m telling you. Starting today, upfront and straightforward, I’m going to write this like everybody else is writing a blog, Raw and uncomplicated. No dictionary, No thesaurus, straight from my brain. Just let me think of a title, or maybe I should write down a concept or at least an outline, or maybe I should give it some thoughts first, let it roam in my head for a couple of time until I get a clear plan of what and how I’m exactly going to write, after I finished a general research on the topic and grabbed one or two reference books from the shelf, but before that, allow me to introduce myself.
        My name is Johannes Seian Manzanilla (a.k.a. Mr. Sennahoj Boredom, as I currently call myself) and I am a perfectionist. Don’t think I’m a freak and everything around me has to be dust-free and placed in its designated arrangement. I whish there was little order; my room is perfect, a perfect mess! But come on, am I the only person who has a hard time writing without being conscious of sentence structure and vocabulary?
        Perhaps it is worth mentioning here that I didn’t grow up with the English language and its grammar, although I naturally learned it when I was a kid through family, growing up in  Switzerland we mostly spoke German, outside and inside our home. Do I use this as an excuse? Whichever, I’m still a perfectionist in many other aspects: Daily Routine CHECK (for example, I just avoid the long line in the canteen during lunch time plus you can’t describe the service as exquisite!), Music CHECK (but in recording you need to be), Relationships (well, uhhmm, that could be material for a different story) BLANK. Life in general CHECK (what’s wrong with thinking ahead, but I guess 25 years is way far ahead), and why am I doing a Check list in the first place?!
        Ask why I became how I am and I won’t be able to give you a clear answer, it is a myth to me as well. One of my theories is that I look at my parents’ lives and the choices they made in the past. Do I want to walk the same path as them, or am I already on it; can I learn from their mistakes (in my opinion) and use it to find a shortcut or to set foot in an opposite direction? - Well, let’s just cut that crap! - Someway or another you know what I mean, right? We deal with the same problems and frustrations; we are all subject to the Laws and Principle of life. And this is where we arrive to my second point (if you still care to spend your valuable time with Mr. Sennahoj Boredom, or perhaps we are related?).
        My class starts at 7:30am, whether I like it or not, I arrive at school 7am. I mostly wait in the lobby, the benches and hallways are empty. The chairs in every classroom are polished and neatly aligned by row, anticipating the bell of disorder, but for now at 7am, everything is in a state of tranquility. A great time to reflect.
        After 10min, the first students arrive, sitting on the benches. Another 10min pass, the first crowds make their way to their classrooms with the neatly aligned chairs. 3min before the bell of disorder sings, swarms of students, teachers, and workers, and their hums are streaming the hallways. In the midst, there I am on the bench, and observe.
        They just do what they think they ought to do, day by day, or maybe they don’t think at all anymore. I imagine if one of them just stops in the middle of the rushing crowd and realizes that she needn’t to do what she is doing, or at least that she’s conscious of her actions in that very moment, her individual actions. “To stand out from the crowd existence” as the Existentialist would say (but don’t worry I won’t start breaking it down for you philosophically), what I’m asking is, Are they conscious of life? Are they aware that they are aware? Do I only do what I suppose to do, or am I thinking too much?? –CHECK (with a fat black marker!) –
        As a perfectionist you end up thinking, and thinking why you are thinking because you are aware that you are thinking, until you realize you are aware that you are aware of your thinking, so you get back thinking what you are suppose to think about in the first place.
        When I was considering to start my own blog few months ago, I began to study other people’s blogs, made a research on blogging itself, and read books about writing, I must have read at least five books and skimmed through a lot more (and counting), I enjoy the later, although I cannot confirm major improvements on my writings, but sometimes I read them for the sake of doing something – I am Mr. Boredom, remember? -.
        Currently I’m reading Steven King On Writing, to be honest, it never occurred that I had read one of his novels (I guess this is because I cannot seem to find Steven King stuff around the house, except the one I mention here), but what I am more interested in right now is his insight about this craft, and he has definitely the experience and know-how. In his opinion, a plot should only be used by a writer as a last resort, because life itself is plotless! – Mr. Boredom can relate to that indeed! - He explains further that he just gives enough space to let his characters shape their own plot. And it dawned on me that life is exactly like a story:

The Author (“of all characters and settings”) from above provides nothing but a basic outline and a starting point, where his characters shape their own plots. We are just a part of a paragraph or even a sentence within a chapter of an epic story, and as we move, each word, each sentence is continuously written, page by page, and defines what lies in the chapters ahead of us. But more than often we put down pen and paper, and waste the ink of time thinking what our title might be.

Comments

[hajel iii]

hi kuya! i miss you! =)